After I accepted the manager/head admin role on rewritten, Foxtra had approached me regarding some builds lost due to the server files being out of date. This led into a conversation where I expressed, “I don't agree with everything that ashjer did while taking over to be completely honest. While I believe it was necessary, I wanted the current staff to remain the same. I also believe it would have been better for all if there was a warning given to all of you beforehand.” (Discord, 8/2/22) — At the time, I believed all of this to be true. However, when I look back now on our conversations, I can see how wrong I truly was, for I was clearly being used by ashjer.
Further discussion led to my reasoning for siding with ashjer saying, “ashjer came to me and asked if I wanted to co own the server with shadmir originally. I had the skills and knowledge necessary with running servers and interact with the community a lot. So he saw me fit for the position. When the server first shut down, I thought it was just something going on on Phoenix's half with the console, maybe a new plugin, or a reset. But then ashjer came to me again and said that shadmir backed out with him going to university sooner than expected, and asked if I would want to run the server by myself. I agreed and things began moving forward. I had known for a while that ashjer was trying to replace Phoenix as owner, but he didn't have many grounds to do so just yet. Until recently, AJ (the server's host) decided it was time for change.” (Discord, 8/2/22) — After this, Foxtra replies to me saying that it seemed as though I had been dragged into this just as much as everyone else. I held a good position within the community at the time, but my actions led TOR to view me as a “traitor”. I wanted so much to believe that I made the right choice that I passed on many opportunities given to me by Mido and Foxtra. They could see what I clearly couldn’t, and as a result, I remained banned.
After having this conversation with Foxtra, I asked if Mido would be willing to talk with me. I did this as an attempt to clear my name and rewritten. Mido agreed and we began to talk. He expressed that he was willing to talk to me “Not as a representative of Rewritten.” But as a person. I then began to discuss rewritten anyway. Mido expressed this was not what he wished to talk about, but went with it non the less. I expressed my opinions on Phoenix with him, saying, “I have always felt that Phoenix didn’t manage the server too well. Some of his past staff always abused their positions and would get away with just about anything.” I then proceeded to show my views on the takeover, telling him about how ashjer had approached me with the offer of running TOR. I expressed that I couldn’t resist this offer, and exclaimed that I thought anyone given the same offer would accept it. I now realize this to be untrue for there was someone who did decline. Shadmir.
Recent events regarding the server Midrellos and I started came with some regrettable outcomes. I had copied the Rewritten rules for the server, which in itself, were a direct copy of TOR’s rules. This brought about some conversations again with Mido in a discord server where I had said, “To reply to this, we are not tor renewed. We are a separate server and are attempting to distance ourselves from tor. My staff and I apologize that some players are heavily advertising our server and I hope you know, we did not ask them to do such.” (Discord, 9/21/23) Mido responded saying, “For distancing yourself from TOR, I would recommend starting off with a wiki and ruleset that hasn't been copied from TOR.” (Mido, 9/21/23) As a response, I tried to defend myself by saying the rules and wiki were copied from Rewritten, but all I did was dig myself a deeper hole. Further crystallizing a reputation and image of someone who hadn’t changed since the takeover. But I have changed, truly and honestly, I have changed. Midrellos and I started Three Rings because of how much we missed TOR and the fun we shared playing this mod. Yes, Rewritten failed. It may seem that i’m just trying to come back to TOR because “things didn’t work out for rewritten”. But in complete honesty, my heart was always with TOR. In some strange way. My mind would always drift back to this community, and nothing I could do would change the fact I chose the wrong side.
I can now see, I was but a blind boy, given an opportunity to run the server I loved. But now that the blindfold has been removed, my eyes are open to a breaking realization. The server I ran was not TOR. TOR was split, and I chose the wrong side. I chose my own ego, over the hundreds of players in the community. I chose to be a puppet, a puppet being dangled about for small children to watch and be amused with. I chose to be friends with a manipulator, who used me and my status within the server for their own gain. I’m sorry for the troubles I laid on this community. I’m sorry I didn’t take the opportunity Mido gave me to come back. I promise each and everyone of you, I am not the same boy clouded by my own opinion of a server owner. I can now see how much Phoenix really did. Though he may not have been so active on the server, he was in the background making sure all of you had a “home away from home”.
I first started playing this mod back in 2016. At the time I was just playing in single player worlds learning the mod. Until I started watching Tuco Regel on YouTube. They began to play on the One Ring Server and I became instantly hooked. The community was thriving and PvP was extremely active. So I joined the server and had some of the greatest fun I have ever had playing any video game. Until I was banned the first time for X-Ray. This event caused me to open my first LotR server "Doom of Mandos" and I ran it for around 2 years consistently. Now this server had many aspects that were similar to that of TOR. I couldn't ever get over the experiences I had on TOR that I tried to replicate it somewhere else. This never worked out. For TOR was more than just a PvP server. It was made up of a community that all shared the same love for this mod. Which was something I never found within the servers I tried to create.
After the coup, I instantly felt regret. I now think this was due to the community unrest and dislike towards me, and that this caused Phoenix to step down. I've said this before many times, but it is something that still bothers me to this very day. I caused so much pain for everyone who loves this server and community. I know this now and have overwhelming feelings of regret.
I now also believe the recent server I started with Midrellos was yet another poorly executed attempt at replicating what we had on TOR. I came off extremely egotistical towards Mido and was sort of trying to show off. This I'm sorry for as well for I have done nothing but held great respect for what the staff do in all my years on this mod. If I am to return, you won't see that same egotistical selfish side I have shown over this past year. You will see me as a player who loves this server just as much as the next person, and someone who would do anything in his power to do right by the community.
Thank you to all who finished reading this appeal. I know many of you might see another appeal by me and decide to look the other direction. But I can promise those who finished it will not regret reading it. I'm sorry for all I have done, and only ask for one thing in return. Forgiveness.