Ban Appeal
IGN: Chill_LAX_er
Nick: Chill
Faction: Isengard
Reason for ban: Racism, racist weapon name, staff and player disrespect, being a menace to general society
Date banned: 1/25/25
Time banned for: Permanent
Reason For Appeal: Coming to the end of myself and repairing my friendships here
Good Afternoon TOR Community and Staff,
I hope you all are well. It has been over one year since I left this community, yet a certain statement has rung true for me ever since. At the time of my ban, I was a haughty, arrogant, selfish, manipulative person, who did not possess any sort of principles and believed he could not lose. I despised those who called me out on my behavior, walked out of my life, or did not want to be around me on account of my actions (on the server and in real life) and I believed they were at fault instead of taking responsibility for these actions and trying to repent for them. I erroneously believed I was a visionary who could do very little wrong and that I was only going "upwards".
This could not have been further from the truth. Where there is pride, there will ALWAYS be a fall, and I would soon find this out myself. I had not only lost sight of who I was, but I'd become somebody who everyone around had begun to see as a manipulative arrogant monster with no remorse for the things he was doing or the people he was hurting and I was totally blind to this. My intentions were all selfish in every space I was in and I was becoming a person who was going down a path a lot of people I met stopped following me down, and my friend Foxtra was among the first in a series of many to call me out on this. In fact I took pride in how I treated people, often manipulating others for my own amusement and pitting people against one another without their knowledge, and I fully developed a god complex by March because I thought I could get away with the way I was acting. I forsook old friendships, in the community and in real life, for people who did not have my best interest at heart and trying to please said people. I partook in extremely destructive behaviors that, at the time I believed were filling a God shaped hole in my fake "high" life. But in reality all I was doing was destroying my life, my friendships, my career aspirations, my relationships with my own family, and most importantly every echelon of my heart and soul, and the worst part was that I was completely numb to it and pushed forward into the darkness blinded by my own arrogance and bloated by a massive ego.
By the summertime, I had lost every single thing that I was working towards in a massive collapse, with all of my aspirations, friendships and relationships crashing down in front of me in one dramatic event. My reckoning had finally come and I began to realize that I'd gone too far and I WAS THE PROBLEM. I kept to my own self, scrubbed my social media profiles, started haphazardly reading the Bible even though I'd never really believed in it and just decided I would face forward believing it would go somewhere. Except this feeling never escaped me. The damage that had been done to myself BY myself was too great a burden for me to bear and I felt like I had no way out of the things I had done. I had a ledger of people I'd harmed in my own attempt to brute force my way through life with a damaged heart and this extends towards TOR as well. Yet in September, Christ met me in the middle of my sin and I realized what the cross I so haughtily wore on my neck really means to broken people, and I became a Christian as He is the King of brand new starts.
Where I am now:
I have done a lot of reflecting, and after the death of my grandmother and a hard winter, I stand writing this from a small house in the Appalachian mountains. You all have been on my mind for about four days as is the way I have acted towards the people in this community and I have decided to come to the end of myself and appeal my ban, not only to return but also to possibly repair some of my friendships that I threw away for a short moment's glory. My priorities in life are different and so am I.
What I did, not just to those here but everyone in the LOTR community because I was extremely dishonest in the way I ran my own LOTR server
(this story really begins with me leaving TOR around three years ago this month to make my own server), was beyond wrong, insensitive and childish, disgustingly arrogant because I did not see why it was wrong nor did I care at the time, and also deliberately subversive to Mido and I sincerely apologize for how I've behaved in the past. I also lied and stated that it was from a youtube video to try and be funny, and neither of my appeals were sincere as I planned to just continue on my way with the other weapons I had named inappropriate things, but if I was unbanned I would change them all. I am a new person now, for the first time I can say that without lying to myself to try and manipulate my way back into a space that had every right to remove me from it, and has every right to deny me re-entry. If you would have me back, and I understand if this is denied, I would gladly return with a humble heart, and contribute here and there to a server that is responsible for some of the most memorable moments and connections in my short life.
Your friend,
Chill.
"As a personal side-note from myself:
You and I go back quite a while now, but I no longer see the person I met back then. You have changed, and no longer seem to hold the same intentions as before. It is great to develop oneself in whatever direction the wind takes you, but do not lose track of who you want to be, and how you want to be perceived. Have a good one and keep an open mind.
Fox~ 1/25/25"
PPS; Foxtra, thank you. 2/21/26